Thursday, March 22, 2018

Pure hell before bliss

One week has gone away since I posted my first post about homeless life. Then I was mildly sick but boy oh boy I didn't know what sick means. The day after I was super sick, had to move out from R place to K place since some drama in R place that I may cover one day (it is a long story). When I arrived at K, my health was already down, coughing, runny nose, and the throat was killing me. Talking with friends was extremely difficult and even my mind got altered in a bad way where I was able to perceive only negative thoughts, felt my friends are negative towards me due to me being homeless, I was shaming myself a lot since most of my time spent at K place was with myself.

Hell no one should go through

I stayed at K place for 1 day and had to move out to M place (K's best friend from home country). There the living conditions were harsh, I was sleeping on the ground, on a mattress (classic way of my lifestyle)  and laid there for 3 days... The room was empty as M only recently moved in, K was visiting me however, he was with some depressive thoughts, I was insanely f***** in my mind and had to talk about even more sad things which almost made me crazy as I always had a realization inside of me that I am a homeless person in Denmark, far away from his parents, home country and friends struggling and fighting for my life in a country where everyone is happy and has no problems comparing to mines. Moving on conditions in M place were horrendous, the kitchen seemed decent, but I was too shy to walk there as it was unclean in the first place and two Polish girls were hanging around there so I didn't want to bother them while being super sick and unable to make a reasonable contact. The second day at M's place my nose started bleeding a little bit, I thought that's nothing bad, I just feel weak and it will go away, but it didn't. It went on and on until it developed so much that I was bleeding properly from the nose. Only at 1 AM I realized how serious the situation is as bleeding did not stop for about 10 hours now (it wasn't crazy bleeding though). I was like s***, am I going to die this way? Absolutely not, so I googled up some things (I hate calling emergency as it wasn't the most emergent situation) and learned my health condition and a natural way to fix it. I held my nose front with my fingers softly closed for 20 minutes and after that stayed up in fixed head position up to 4 AM and went to sleep. It did help block something inside of my nose however the issue was not fixed. The day after I was still bleeding and so I stopped blowing my nose and held both nostrils closed for 3 more days. Approximately I was bleeding for 50 hours.

The blissful comedown from illness

I survived 3 days at M's place and feeling of illness totally vanished except nose was off. I got a message I can come back to R's place where I really liked staying at so I did, packed up everything and went back. It was 10-minute walk yet it was the most difficult walk I ever had. Apparently the amount of blood I lost affected my energy levels and power which I did not realize before. That scared the heck out of me so I started eating vitamins and reading up about diets (my diet plan is completely off with this lifestyle). Two days of vitamins helped me get back to shape and feel much better. I never thought healthy life can feel so good. It helps to fight off depressive thoughts, has more energy and most importantly be a productive person.

The current situation is brighter

R decided to help me and gave me 1 free month at her place. The goal of this month is to get back in shape with finances and acquire a place to live at. I am offered to start living at R place since some people are moving out from here starting on April 1st. Question is will I be able to rack up enough money for the rent. Current status of work life in Denmark is harsh as less and less temporary job offers exist so getting into a contract is a risky decision yet again.

Talking about other things than my life. I am getting back to programming after all of the unstable fiestas in my life. Started following Java 2D Game Development tutorial using JFrame (pure Java). The tutorial is not finished however, it uses Notch Minicraft GitHub example to teach. After all, tutorials finished I could use examples from the repository and implement to my own game. Currently, I am about to start working with Level/Tile system as most of the screen system with colors and spritesheets is done.

That is about it. Another week has passed as a homeless person. Currently, it is day 75th as I am without a place to live at. Still going strong!

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